Been a While is an Understatement.

I can definitely say it's possible to almost completely forget how to blog when you haven't done it for so long. I was thinking of attempting to change the background and can't remember how. Kala, I need to go through blog 101 again! Wondering why in the heck I'm up at 2:00 am and deciding to blog? Can anyone say RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME! Mercy! My eyeballs are rolling back into my head from fatigue but my legs are making me INSANE!! If this is the Lord's way of helping me to learn how to endure long nights of no sleep I'm not laughing. No sleep....how come you might say. I'm sure most of you have heard by now, news travels quickly around town and family, (especially when Wyatt blurts it out in primary) but we are expecting a baby boy in May. Some days I am still in utter shock and think I must be imagining it, but then the baby gives me a swift kick to the bladder and that's all the reminder I need (not to mention the nearest bathroom). I dare say it is possible to forget the joys and woes of pregnancy. I already cannot see my feet, look like I'm carrying multiples, using a bathroom every moment I turn around, crying over nothing (which does not seem like nothing at the time), waddling like a duck, eating like a pig, complaining about the temperature, going through bottle after bottle of Aveno lotion with Menthol (thank you to my friend Jennifer Judy for that advice) because I'm scratching like a monkey, I swear if I have one more animal symptom I'm going to be admitted to a zoo for observation.

But despite all the craziness of pregnancy, I can honestly say I would take much, much worse. After years of trying and seeing different doctors and then finally admitting defeat and basically giving it all over to the Lord, He decided we were finally ready to experience the joys of parenthood again. To say we were surprised would be a definite understatement. I swore the stick tests were defective because it just wasn't possible, but after two blood tests the doctors were positive and I couldn't deny that our blessing had finally come. It was hard at first. As much as we wanted to be excited it was also extremely scary. After so many years of trying we kept expecting the rug to come out from under us. I had to be on extra medication to help ensure we didn't miscarry. Thankfully, that never happened and so far the baby has been growing like he should and it has been overall a fairly easy pregnancy, bathroom trips and all.

I never thought I would have the chance to feel the sacredness of life growing inside myself again. I'm amazed everyday at how the human body works and builds from a single cell into a beautiful infant and cannot deny that there is a God. He lives and sends His spirit children to live on earth. I'm am overwhelmed at times that this spirit is coming to be a part of our family. As I look back, I cannot be angry it didn't happen sooner. I have learned so much. As frustrating as it has been it has also taught me that there are some things you just cannot do on your own. I have had many wonderful friends and family that have helped to lift me up and I have a wonderful husband and a compassionate son. I'll never forget the day Wyatt came into the bathroom after yet another negative pregnancy test to find me sobbing and he just put his arms around me and patted my back telling me he loved me. There were many times he was my Balm of Gilead. I'm immensely thankful for my eternal family. I have come to realize over the years that it is not what we lack here on earth that makes it worthwhile, it is what we are gifted. Sometimes it's not the children we hope to have, but it's the gift of perseverance to overcome the obstacles put forth before us and to be able to say, I made it and I'm better for it and I did not give in to despair. I will be a better mother because of it. Children begin in our heart. They come to us eventually one way or another. My brother and his wife have two beautiful children, not born of their bodies but made for them nonetheless. They are proof of love beyond ourselves.

I am in anticipation and apprehension for May to come. Does one forget how to comfort a baby, feed them know what they need? I hope not. Wyatt has become so independent that I have experienced way too much freedom. He's going to be my big helper though. I think that at times he is more excited than Jason and myself. Just today he was telling Jason that he was so happy to be having a brother because it's not easy playing by yourself and being alone. I can't say Jason and I are the only one's that have learned from this long wait. Wyatt has a quiet knowledge and compassion for others that could only come from his experience of waiting as well. He has told me many times he will love him even when he's a pain because it's better to have them than to not.

Jason my beloved husband, I cannot forget about him. He has been so patient and kind even when he was suffering just as much as myself. His shoulders have been my constant companion whenever I have needed them to cry on. Sure he can be a pain in the butt, but so can I. When the times have been tough though, he has never left me to feel alone in my burdens. He has been a strength beyond measure. I am enjoying seeing his joy in this new little one. I have been more pampered than the diaper. One look at me during the first trimester and he would take my hand, walk me to the bedroom help me lie down and tell me he had things covered. His love has been a gift that will last more than a lifetime. I look forward to seeing him hold his new son. Both his sons.

Well, I think I will give sleep another try, and hopefully my legs are ready too. Thank goodness I don't have sharing time tomorrow. I'll be lucky if any coherent words leave my mouth.

Thank you to all of you for your prayers and encouragement. I know it made a difference.